7 Things to Talk About in Therapy When Things Are Good
At a loss for words? We got you.If youâve ever been in therapy, you definitely know the feeling of being ready for a session. Maybe your Notes app is filled to the brim with talking points or maybe youâre just coming off of a hellish day that almost broke you. You march into that session ready to let it rip (âitâ being every mental and emotional challenge youâve dealt with since this time last week).
But youâve also probably experienced the opposite: You see that therapy session on your calendar and suddenly youâreâŠfine? Nothing particularly stressful or tragic or debilitating to report? And now youâre wondering if this appointment is just a waste of both of your time (not to mention money).
While thatâs totally valid, remember that therapy isnât just for crisis situations. And if itâs already in your schedule (and your budget), itâs worth keeping that appointment even if things are going great.
âWeâre always growing and evolving in different ways, and therapy is part of that,â says Babita Spinelli, licensed psychotherapist and psychoanalyst. âThere will always be something to dive into.â Even when it feels like youâre suddenly breezing through life. And letâs be honest, itâs not like when things are good theyâre just going to stay perfect forever. (As much as weâd really, really love that for you.) Life is constantly changing, and you never know when something new and anxiety-inducing is going to pop up and ruin your day. The goal is to have more good days than bad days, obvi, but itâs literally impossible to have all good ones.
And TBH, some of the best therapy sessions happen when you feel like youâve got absolutely nothing to talk to your therapist about, says Stephanie Roth Goldberg, LCSW-R, founder of Intuitive Psychotherapy NYC. Thatâs because itâs way easier to analyze your behaviors and focus on how to be your best self when thereâs no storm cloud looming over your head.
Next time youâre feeling amazing and wondering how to spend your therapy seshâor whether you need to keep going at allâpull one of these topics out of your back pocket.
1. Some maybe-not-super-healthy patterns in your life
When things are generally going well, itâs a great time to dig into some behavioral patterns you don't exactly feel good about. You know, those habits you have that low-key sabotage your happiness or your relationships but arenât destructive enough for you to really do something about, so you just keep on keepinâ on and hope they donât totally blow up in your face? When youâre in a good place, you can actually focus on this stuff and come at it with some perspective and clarity, Goldberg says.
For example, maybe youâre getting less movement than you like, drinking more than you probably should, or constantly having the same fight with your partner. We all have That Thing we know we do to self-sabotage. These behaviors are worth unpacking and can help you uncover some underlying issues and room for improvement that might not have been possible to really dig into when things were bad, Goldberg says. The result is a more evolved you whoâs even more ready to confront whatever life throws your way.
2. What you want to ~get~ out of therapy
Chances are, you set some goals in your first therapy sessions, says therapist Siobhan D. Flowers, PhD, LPC-S, an adjunct professor at New York University. Think of this like the treatment plan you might get at your doctorâs office for some physical health issue, but, in this case, itâs what success looks like for you in therapy and how youâll get to that point.
As you go to therapy and work on all the things, youâll get closer to those goalsâor maybe discover some new goals entirely that you want to work towards. âTreatment plans are not set in stone and can always be revised,â Dr. Flowers says. Look back at how you felt when you first started therapy, and compare it to now. Chances are youâll notice some huge changesâthatâs you growing. Yay, you! Now, think about if you want to make any changes to your treatment goals or add some new ones that youâve thought of along the way.
3. Whatever your therapist wants to revisit
Thereâs no shame in asking your therapist for help. Thatâs what youâre paying them for after all. If youâve been talking to them for a while, theyâve probs taken some notes on your convos and have a few topics theyâve been meaning to revisit with you when the time is right (aka when youâre not particularly chatty or actively in crisis mode, like now). So, just ask âem if thereâs anything on their mind. âIf you go in and tell the therapist you're struggling with what to say, they may have something they feel they want to revisit and didn't have time for before,â Goldberg says.
4. If itâs time to cut back on sessions
âIf youâre really digging for things to talk about, that is actually when you can ask your therapist if they think this is still useful,â Goldberg says. If your therapist knows you, they may even bring it up themselves. Weâre not talking about entirely cutting ties: Therapy is and should be an ongoing thing that you can revisit whenever you need it. And life will always get stressful againâtrust. But, sometimes, cutting back on sessions is the right move, especially if youâve gotten to a point where there isnât necessarily something youâre struggling with day-to-day or week-to-week and you have the tools to work through most things on your own.
âMany clients start seeing me once a week and we maybe go down to once every other week and some once per month,â Dr. Flowers says. âI have a handful of clients using monthly therapy as preventative maintenance, just to make sure theyâre able to maintain.â After all, you donât want those coping skills to get rusty. When something new and stressful does happen, having that appointment on the horizon can help you push through until then, Dr. Flowers adds.
5. All the good stuff thatâs happening in your life
Your therapy sessions donât have to be all doom and gloom. You canâand should!âtalk about the good stuff too, Spinelli says. And, honestly, where else can you just shamelessly brag about how youâre crushing it without getting side-eye? âBeing with a therapist is something so amazing; to be able to unabashedly feel excited about something and not feel like you're being judged and can actually brag in the room. We all need that,â Spinelli says.
Get in there and talk about how happy you are. âIf things are going well, itâs something to be celebrated,â Dr. Flowers says. âThat means therapy is working and youâre working hard on your progress.â Translation: Youâre an evolving, growing human whose hard work is paying off! You deserve to shout it from the rooftops and have someone to celebrate it with.
6. Your weekend plans, what happened at work this week, that Netflix doc you just watched, or whatever else is on your mind
âSometimes people put a lot of pressure on themselves that they have to go into therapy with a plan or specific goals, but if we can just see it as a trusted, objective space with someone who can just be present with you, and there doesn't have to always be a plan, itâs amazing what you find yourself speaking about,â Spinelli says. Casual chit-chat can often reveal some deep-seated feelings you never realized you had. âMaybe thereâs a family birthday party coming up, and you donât realize it until you start talking about the party that you have feelings about the people that are going to be there,â Spinelli says. A casual convo can spark some feels that you had no idea you were dying to discuss.
7. Your mental health maintenance plan
After giving yourself a genuine pat on the back, it also couldnât hurt to use this time to strategize how to keep these good vibes going. âYou've worked really hard to get to this point, so we want to think about how we can ensure you maintain this progress for the long term,â Dr. Flowers says. This may include a plan for future sessions and also a road map for how to access the tools youâve learned when you're out in the world and need âem STAT.
Itâs also time for some âvisionary work,â as Dr. Flowers calls it. Ask yourself some questions about Future You: âWhat obstacles might come up to keep you from maintaining your progress? What are some solutions to those obstacles?â Life is going to fling new shit your way pretty much all the time. You want to have a plan to dodge it as it comes.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.