Yes, there are actually people out there that YOLO their way past every stressor. They stress less about work deadlines. They’re unbothered by tight budgets, and they never met a doctor’s appointment they were nervous for. I cannot relate, and maybe you can’t either.
So, who are these people and how are they like that? It might be their default mood, says psychotherapist Gianna LaLota, LMHC, clinician at NYC Cognitive Therapy. For people who feel like they’ve always been carefree, being less affected by stress may just be part of their personalities, explains LaLota. They might have strong beliefs in their ability to get through hard stuff, which can result in a chiller attitude, she says.
Whether it comes innately or not, those who developed excellent coping skills to deal with stress—like channeling it into movement or their support system—are also setting themselves up to feel less freaked out, LaLota adds.
Of course, we should acknowledge that a lot of people who don’t seem stressed, might be, says clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, PhD, a member of the Wondermind Advisory Committee. Maybe they’re suppressing those feelings (or just the outward appearance of them) because of past trauma or to be seen a certain way, explains Dr. Howes. It happens!
Yeah, shoving all your stress deep inside where no one can see it isn’t the goal here. Instead, we wanted to find out how folks who feel pretty good even when things go pretty bad get by.
Below, we spoke with people who do just that so you can steal some of their chill, relieve stress, and learn how to relax. Enjoy.
1. Relinquish some control.
“Growing up in a big family taught me that I can’t necessarily control anyone or anything. Being the middle child of six kids, there was so much out of my hands: what we were having for dinner, what we watched on TV—little things that were just part of my everyday life. We were always on different wavelengths too, meaning some of us had good days while some of us had bad ones. I learned that it’s OK to not have a lot of influence over my environment, which helps me not stress as much. I know that, throughout different areas of my life, I can only control my own actions.” —Mimi D., 29
2. Welcome every challenge.
“I look at life through the perspective of a video game. I’m trying new missions, encountering new bosses, and collecting treasures. It makes everything way more fun. And when stressors do happen, I see them as challenges and opportunities to level up—aka, grow and develop in some way. Basically, I try to reframe stressful situations as things that will test my skills. I’ll think to myself, I can get through this. I’ll come out the other side with new ‘powers’ that I didn’t have before. It takes away some of the fear and anxiety because I’m focusing on what I’ll gain rather than what I’ll lose.” —Tess L., 30
3. Look toward the future.
“Whatever it is that you’re stressing about, it’s going to suck from your current perspective. So, for every stressful situation, I tell myself that there’s a time and a place where that stress won’t be happening. It’s easier to go through the motions and deal with it knowing that, eventually, you won’t be in the thick of this anymore. For example, I once got sent on a work trip in the middle of the summer and wasn’t expected back home until October. I remember sitting at my desk on the first day and saying to myself, Think about how grateful you’ll be and how accomplished you’ll feel when this is all over. I put myself in my future self’s shoes and used that to change my frame of mind to a more positive outlook. Now, I go into every challenge remembering that time moves on.” —Sean W., 28
4. Remind yourself that stressing isn’t worth it.
“For me, looking back on times when I’ve stressed out shows me it’s certainly not helpful or effective. And when stress does change things, it’s usually for the worse.” —Brendan H., 38
5. Tap into faith, if that’s your thing.
“Recognizing my powerlessness and surrendering to spirituality actually helps. Connecting to a power or entity greater than myself enables me to give up control I never really had in the first place. That enables me to find a deeper sense of calm.” —therapist Junie Welsh, LPC-MHSP temp, LADAC II, CAADC
6. Don’t fight your stress.
“When I get stressed, I let myself feel it first. Then, instead of worrying and listening to my negative self-talk, which amplifies my stress, I'll take a break for a bit. I’ll deep breathe, go for a walk, or call my mom or friends for support. Once I’ve calmed down, I'll do whatever I need to do to move through or mitigate the stress. I’ll get clear on what’s causing it and focus on a solution with small, actionable steps.” —Tess L., 30
7. Recruit others for help when you need it.
“I remind myself it’s OK to ask for help or delegate. At work, for example, instead of stressing about having to get things right on my own, I can ask team members or mentors to lend a hand. Also, when you make it a point to learn from someone who’s really good at what they do, you get trustworthy info, which can definitely make things easier and keep the stress away.” —Michael C., 41
8. Examine your track record.
“I’m not someone who’s naturally stress-free, but I’ve made a lot of progress over time. One thing that’s helped is reminding myself that, every other time I’ve felt stressed, the situation always resolved. Thinking like this gives your brain evidence that you’ve handled stress and things will be OK. For example, moving really stressed me out in the past, but I didn’t feel that way when I moved earlier this month. I built this trust that it would work out since I got through moves before.” —psychotherapist Gianna LaLota, LMHC
9. Use stress to your advantage.
“I learned in nursing school that when you have too much stress in a stressful situation, you’re basically a deer in headlights and can’t process your thoughts. But, a little bit of stress can allow you to think critically. For my first five years as a nurse, I was in the neonatal ICU taking care of very sick newborns. During a code, when we'd try to resuscitate people, I was always able to listen to directions and act as needed.” —Mimi D., 29
10. Remember how fragile life is.
“For me, I have always been an anxious, high-strung, stress ball, but I’ve learned to practice chillness and embrace inner peace. One thing that’s helped is remembering that no one gets out of this world alive. This might sound morbid, sure, but knowing that time is limited helps me examine the larger picture and recognize when someone or something isn’t worth getting so emotionally twisted over. This mindset also helps me be intentional about how I’d like to live with the time that I have—with as little stress as possible.” —clinical psychologist Cynthia Shaw, PsyD
11. Take things less personally.
“People’s reactions are reflections of their own thoughts, emotions, insecurities, and experiences, not a reflection of who I am. This perspective helps me manage stress because it lets me maintain a sense of self-worth and confidence, even in difficult interactions. It also eases the stress of trying to manage or change other people’s behavior.
My mom, who’s a therapist, taught me a really helpful visualization exercise for not taking things so personally: When my old supervisor would yell at me—which was probably because of their own stress—my mom told me to imagine a protective bubble around me. Any bad energy my supervisor sent my way could not penetrate that bubble.” —Tess L., 30
12. Take care of yourself.
“I maintain my chill by nurturing my close friendships, keeping up with semi-regular exercise, prioritizing sleep, and working through my emotions with therapy and journaling (plus playing guitar in a rock band). Ultimately, handling my stress comes down to the basics of well-being and self-care: sleep, exercise, connection, reflection, and confronting any stressors. It’s both internal and external work.” —clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, PhD
13. Accept the chaos.
“Mel Robbins’ ‘Let Them Theory’ is something I’ve embraced deeply. If I’m frustrated with how someone’s acting, I remind myself to ‘let them.’ Whether it’s a slow driver, a misunderstanding, or something more serious, I recognize that I can’t control or change others. By practicing this act of acceptance, I acknowledge what’s beyond my control. If there’s an actionable step I can take, I’ll do it; if not, I surrender to the universe.” —therapist Junie Welsh, LPC-MHSP temp, LADAC II, CAADC
14. Self-talk it out.
"I think referring to myself as ‘you’ (like, ‘you're fine’) helps to separate my stressed emotions and reactions from my logical self. It's like a different me is speaking to the stressed-out me, which helps me zoom out and see the bigger picture.” —Lizzy G., 28
Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
