Regina King Shares How She’s Feeling Two Years After Her Son’s Death
The actor talks about losing her son to suicide.If you or someone you know is in crisis, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Regina King has made a name for herself as an award-winning actor, director, and advocate. She’s also been incredibly candid about mental health, particularly when it comes to grieving her son, Ian Alexander Jr., who died by suicide in January 2022.
“Grief is a journey.”
In an interview with Good Morning America anchor Robin Roberts earlier this week, King shared what grief looks like for her today. Speaking about her loss for the first time on TV, she said, “Grief is a journey.” King continued, "I understand that grief is love that has no place to go. I know that it's important to me to honor Ian in the totality of who he is, speak about him in the present because he is always with me."
King also explained that she felt “so angry with God” in the wake of her son’s death and walked Roberts through her thought process: "Why would that weight be given to Ian? Of all of the things that we had gone through, with the therapy, psychiatrists, and programs. And Ian was like, 'I'm tired of talking, Mom.'"
It’s clear King did everything she could to help her son, but that doesn’t necessarily stop guilty feelings from cropping up. "When a parent loses a child, you still wonder, What could I have done so that wouldn't have happened?” She added, "I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian's mom. Only me. And so, it's mine, and the sadness will never go away. It will always be with me."
Breaking down mental health myths.
In hopes of destigmatizing and demystifying suicidal ideation and the conditions that can contribute to it, King explained, "When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way, and they expect it to look heavy,” the Shirley actor said, tearing up. But depression doesn't always look like that, and it can be hard for others to comprehend what Alexander Jr. might've been going through, she explains.
In case you missed it, clinical depression (also called major depression or major depressive disorder) can come with a ton of symptoms. But, for the most part, people diagnosed with depression feel sad, guilty, worthless, apathetic, tired, and can have trouble sleeping, eating, focusing, or doing the things they normally enjoy, according to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). It’s also not uncommon for people who are depressed to mask their symptoms, clinical psychologist Margaret Robinson Rutherford, PhD, previously told Wondermind. And while some people with depression will also have thoughts of suicide, or suicidal ideation, that’s not always the case.
Suicidal ideation can happen to anyone, not just people with mental health conditions. Stuff like family drama, physical health, or financial stress can make someone feel hopeless or like there’s no solution to their problems. So they might turn to suicidal thoughts, suicidologist and professor of social work at Loyola University Chicago Jonathan B. Singer, PhD, LCSW previously told Wondermind.
As painful as the loss is, King still feels for her son and adds, "I respect and understand that he didn't want to be here anymore. That's a hard thing for other people to receive because they did not live our experience, did not live Ian's journey."
If you’re struggling with depression symptoms or suicidal thoughts, it’s super important to talk to a mental health professional who can help you unlock the treatment combo that would work best for your situation.
How can I support someone who is grieving a death by suicide?
When someone loses a loved one to suicide, it can be hard to know exactly what to say. You might want to ask what happened, how it happened, or if anyone noticed any signs, but experts say that line of questioning isn’t helpful. People tend to ask those things because they’re searching for simple explanations or something to blame. But suicide is more complicated than that, clinical psychologist and suicide prevention expert Nina Gutin, PhD, told Wondermind. Guessing games or casual investigations can be hurtful for people who just want someone to lean on.
Despite those no-go questions, you can still be there for a suicide loss survivor. If you don’t know what to say, you could try, “I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I wish I knew how to make you feel better.” Because suicidal thoughts can be something the survivors deal with themselves, it’s also a good idea to ask them how they’re coping with everything, Kathryn Gordon, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook, previously said to Wondermind. You may not get this right all the time, but being there and pointing them toward crisis resources like 988 can go a long way.
Finally, don’t be afraid to take a trip down memory lane to honor the person who passed. Sometimes talking about or listening to past stories can help them grieve and heal, Dr. Gutin said.
How can I help someone who is experiencing suicidal ideation?
When supporting someone with suicidal thoughts, it’s possible they might be feeling hopeless or like they just want their struggles to be over with. And this is where your support could come in clutch.
Try checking in regularly and asking open-ended questions to assess if they’re in danger and to learn about the obstacles they’re facing, Dr. Gordon told Wondermind. If they feel like they can share their thoughts without judgment, that can ease some of the storminess in their mind. It lets them know they’re not alone.
You could also suggest low-energy hangouts to help curb any loneliness, hopelessness, and isolation, licensed therapist Mary Houston, LCSW, told Wondermind. Free ideas: Pick them up for a drive around your city while listening to music, watch a comfort show, or even sit in silence in the backyard.
To be ready for worst-case scenarios, read up on suicide warning signs, safety plans, and what to do if someone acts on those thoughts, Houston said. Organizations like the Suicide Prevention Resource Center or the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention are a great place to start.
Wondermind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a replacement for medical advice. Always consult a qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.